It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
