No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize