i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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