Your tits are I can't wait for
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
