I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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