so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
