the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
