last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
