I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
