How'd it feel making her break her religion?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
