He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize