my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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