After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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