I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
