im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
