I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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