omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
