Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
