she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
