And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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