Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
