Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
