i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
