I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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