addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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