I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
