Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
