is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
