you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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