dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
