You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
