i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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