; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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