Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
