Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Randomize
