I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
