She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
