stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
