Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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