Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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