I will die if light touches me.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
