dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
