That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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