he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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