just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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