I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
