I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
