there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My ATM looks so different sober.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
