I'm eating all of the evidence.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
