i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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