Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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