The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
