But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
