Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
