I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
