"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
