So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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